Santa Clause.... and SATAN

Today was the local Santa Clause parade. It's something I look forward to most years. I stood along the side of the road with my fantastic girlfriend/wife, waiting to catch a glimpse of her daughter (my step-daughter).

It was a great event. I got to see plenty of local groups, floats from local businesses, schools, and hockey teams. Watching the parade, our pockets slowly began filling with chocolates, and candy canes.

Needless to say, I was having a fantastic time.... That's until I saw HER marching in the parade. The woman who plotted against me, in the guise of being my girlfriend, and single handedly, indisputably ruined my life.

Believe me when I say this – The only thing that was stopping me from stepping out into the parade, and confronting her, was that my girlfriend/wife was with me. Otherwise, today would have ended quite differently.

Needless to say, seeing that heartless woman just made a bad situation, even worse. Due to events beyond my control, I'm unable to see my son this weekend, or take him to a bowling tournament that he's been looking forward to for well over a month. That's not saying I wasn't trying my damnedest to get to see my boy. I was. His mother on the other hand, was just fuelling the fire. By that I mean; Not doing a thing to help the situation.

So, despite having a pretty bad week emotionally, not wanting to do anything. Not wanting to get out of bed. You know those kind of days.... I've been having a week or more of those days.

So, you can only imagine how I'm feeling right now. Although, spending time with my girlfriend/wife and kids helps fantastically, I still feel like garbage.

Right now I'm sitting in a bedroom I share, alone. I'm half-assedly watching a

hockey game on television, while writing this, for you to read. That's right. It's a Saturday night, and I'm home writing this... Soon to be cleaning the house, as we're hosting a Christmas Party tomorrow. Maybe they'll cheer me up? After all, it IS the season for happiness, right?

This is an odd sensation for me. When I watch hockey games, I'm usually Tweeting like mad. I haven't even looked at Twitter yet tonight. I haven't felt this down in a long time. It's not so much the Anxiety I was suffering from a few months ago. This is flat-out Depression. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: This fucking sucks!

I will admit though, my girlfriend/wife has noticed something's wrong with me. It kind of feels good that someone cares so much, as to mention it to me, several times. Of course, I've lied to her, “nothings wrong, dear”, is my general response. But, she's a nurse, and certainly isn't dumb. She knows somethings wrong. I just have a very hard time admitting it to the people I care about, as I don't want them to worry about me.

The events of today however, has put me right over the edge. I'm still unsure if I'm more angry at my cold hearted, insensitive, emotionally detached ex-girlfriend, or, if it's just my Depression kicking into over-drive... Or both?

Keep smiling!