Family: Nobody Love You Like We Love You...

I know I haven't posted on here in a while... Close to two years, I think.  By and large, over those two years, I've been doing pretty well.  Until yesterday.

My grandmother passed away this winter, and her internment was yesterday.  It wasn't that specifically that did me in.  It was my relatives.  You know the ones I mean.  You grow up with the cousins and aunts and uncles... You see them at minimum once every month.  Then as you grow older, it's more of a Thanksgiving, and Christmas thing.
I haven't seen many of them over the last four of five years, due to my battles with metal illness.  Brought on entirely by my fantastically simplistic ex-girlfriend. 

Leper

I thought (selfishly) that most, if not all of my relatives would be excites to see me.  Ask where I've been.  What I've been up to.  If I'm OK.  out of the forty or more that were there, just ONE came up to talk to me, to ask me all those wonderful questions a concerned relative would ask.  The rest treated me like a Leper.
It kind of pissed me off.  You know, the fact the seemed to believe what my ex-girlfriend had accused me of.

From the moment I arrived, I felt unwelcome.  I knew I had made a mistake in showing up.  But, it was for my grandmother, and I was asked to be a Pall Bearer.

I must say though, I had a pleasant conversation with my cousin and his girlfriend.  Made pans to go fishing later this year. 

I wish I had stayed longer to talk with my one cousin, but I clearly wasn't feeling the love from anyone else, with the exception on my parents and siblings.  So I made up a lame excuse to leave early.

Thinking I'd be feeling better after leaving, that turned out to be a lie. The ways my aunts, uncles and even my now grownup cousins looked at me. Avoided eye contact, and even flat out ignored me, is still eating me up inside.

I don't blame them entirely. After all, I can't control HIW they think. The lions share of the blame however doesn't even go to me. It goes to my conveniently religious ex-girlfriend, R.D.C. 

Stay strong.