Missing....

So, it's Sunday, then end of the weekend.  Turns out it was one of the best weekends I've had in a really long time.
Despite being injured at work, and doing pretty much nothing at work (light duties), all week, I wasn't expecting much of a weekend.  However, I got to spend the entire weekend with my new family.  All four of us.  Over the past few months, there have been a few minor, and some rather serious hiccups.  Because we're such a strong team together, we've made it trough our tough times.

We spent a great weekend together, doing all sorts of family things together, and getting ready to move to a new home, which will officially be OUR home, not me living in THEIR home. 

I will confess however, that this past week was Hell for me.  My family was away for the week, visiting old friends and family in Philadelphia.  Maybe it's due to my Depression, or because I'm not as much of an introvert as I believe I am, but I absolutely need to be around people.  And, my new family is 3/4 of my favourite people on the planet.  Yes, they brought me home some gifts, but I would gladly give them all back, to have had them home with me last week.  As lame as it sounds, when they were gone, it felt as if part me went with them.
I did spend most of last weekend with my fabulous son.  He'd been bugging me all summer to take him to Canada's Wonderland.  So, that's where we spent last

Sunday.  We had a blast.  We didn't hit as many rides as we'd have liked, due to my banged up side (work injury), but we did indeed have a blast!  But, similar to when my family was in Philadelphia, every time my son is not with me, a little piece of me is missing.  But, I suppose that's true for most broken families. 

However, now that 3/4 of my family is back here with me, life seems to be 100% better.
Yes, I'm still taking my medication on a daily basis, and am doing my best to remain happy, sometimes small little things like this {read above}, makes my life a little harder.

Keep smiling!

My Darkness & Hope

One of the obvious things regarding the suicide of Robin Williams is this:  There are far too many people like him out there.

For several years, and still to this day, I suffer from moderate to severe Depression.

I can somewhat relate to how he (Williams) was feeling throughout his life.  As though there is a darkness around you, at least that's what I call it:  My darkness.
I've been there.  I've contemplated ending it.  But that voice in the back of my head that kept saying, "Don't do this.  This is wrong", was obviously louder than the same voice in Williams' head.  

In November of 2011, a dear friend, and former co-worker of mine committed suicide.  He was always the happiest guy in the room.  Kind of like Robin Williams.  It just goes to show, we can hide it much better than you think.  Although I'm on medication, I highly doubt ANYONE would ever guess I suffer from Depression.  If us sufferers don't want you to know, you'll never see it. 

In February of 2012, Bell Media had a national 'Lets Talk' day.  To try to lift the stigma around mental health.  The absolute best part of that day (I was glued to the TV), was Michael Landsberg's documentary on mental health in Sports, Darkness & Hope. 

That documentary really opened my eyes:  I'm not the only person with this problem.  Hell, even some of my sports hero's suffer from it as well.   
It was shortly after watching that documentary that I decided to seek help.  I didn't like the way I was feeling.  My world was dark, and seemed to be falling apart around me, for no real reason.  I had everything good going on in my life.  I had a job, was making good money, had a girlfriend (despite the fact she turned out to be all wrong for me). 
As I said above, no one could tell.  I hid my secret well.  I was always the happiest guy in the room...  The life of the party, if you will. 
When I confessed this secret to my family, only one of my siblings really understood what I was talking about.  I feel the reason for that is because she (my sister) works in the mental health field. 

The bottom line of this is:  If there wasn't such a stigma surrounding mental health, then there would be fewer people like my friend, and Robin Williams, and the millions of others who feel their only way out is suicide. 

Think about it, then talk about it!

Robin Williams - This One Hurts

This afternoon, I was laying on the sofa, listening to the radio (yes, I LOVE talk-radio), when it came over the air that Robin Williams had died.  I nearly fell on the floor.  That man was my childhood.  Mrs. Doubtfire, Hook, Jumanji, Dead Poets Society, Aladdin, Mork & Mindy, and the list goes on.

Williams admitted several times publicly, that he suffers from a wide range of substance abuse; from alcohol, to cocaine, and who knows what else?
Being a Hollywood star in the 1970's and 1980's couldn't have been easy on anyone's liver, or nostrils. 

Like I said:  I grew up watching Robin Williams.  I can tell you with 100% honesty that the last movie my parents ever watched in a movie theatre was 'Dead Poets Society'.  Not because they didn't enjoy the movie, but because they just don't go out to movies.  I can also tell you that the first stand-up comedy DVD I ever bought was 'Robin Williams Live On Broadway'. 

Yep, that's one funny man.

The reason why I'm writing about Williams here, on my Mental Health blog is simple:  He allegedly committed suicide.  Even if the autopsy comes back and says it was 'natural causes' at the age of 63, he still had many demons we didn't all know about. 

I remember growing up, and watching this man on TV, and in movies.  He never failed to make me smile, and sometimes even laugh. 
Over the last few years, when I first started noticing I was having Depression issues, I would often turn on 'Robin Williams Live On Broadway' or dust off my old VHS copy of 'Hook', and put it on, and drift away to a better, happier place. 

Robin Williams was to me, what One Direction is to someone I love very much:  He saved my life.

One Direction To Happiness

So, the last week or so has been fantastic for me. However, on Thursday, I forgot to take my meds. But, I didn't even realize it until I began thinking about my morning routine while at work. Yep, I forgot to take me 10mg of Ciprolex, and didn't feel any different. However, the next day, I made sure to take my meds. What made my week even better... on Wednesday, I decided to buy a couple tickets to a One Direction and 5 Seconds Of Summer concert for part of my new family.

Nothing could have made me happier than to see the smiles on their faces.

I wasn't really expecting to enjoy the show, but what do you know, the show wasn't bad, and I got to see three hours of smiles on the face of part of my new family.

I've also been transferred at work.  I know officially work for Honda Canada. 

In the world of factory workers, Honda is the place everyone wants to eventually end up.  So, in case you haven't noticed, I'm SUPER happy!

Unfortunately, my new, and incredibly amazing family is leaving soon, for  a vacation.  Unfortunately, I'm unable to join them.  It'll just mean a few days of just work, and sleep.  There isn't anything wrong with that, however, I'm certain to get quite lonely.... But, that's why we have Skype, and Face Time, right?

So basically, the bottom line is:  I've been happier than I have been for a VERY long time, over the last few weeks. 
It seems like I' getting closer and closer to conquering my mental illness.  Now I get to focus my attention on keeping everyone around me as happy as possible.  Which, as it seems, won't be as difficult as it once was.  We're moving to a new home in a few weeks.  Which will become OUR home;  Not THEIR home, with me living in it.  It will be the new family home.  I personally can't wait!

Keep smiling!