Back In The Saddle

Life just seems to be getting better and better for me.  I'm back to work now, after a week off for the summer shutdown.  Despite missing my family (I kind of got used to being around them all week), I'm enjoying being back, and making money. 

My little boy is off to sleep-away camp for this week, and I know his mom misses him terribly, and I miss talking to him on the phone.  But you know what?  He's having a great time there! 
He went to that camp for the first time last summer, and he absolutely loved it.  I'm sure he'll have just as much, if not more fun this time around.  He's eight years old, after all.  What ISN'T fun about camping, at that age?


I also had a few minor hiccups this past week or so, with someone whom I thought I could trust.  Turns out that yet again, I made a mistake.  That isn't as much as a shock as it might have been a while ago,  It

turns out, I'm not as infallible as I thought I was.  But you know what?  Fuck it.  Life's too short to worry about other people actions.  I'm in this for ME, and my nearest and dearest friends and family.  No one else. There are currently just four people (excluding blood relatives) that mean the world to me.  I know at least two of them regularly read this blog, so there is no need to name them. 

Now back to my original point:  Life for me has been nearly perfect these last few months.  I am keeping myself busy, and spending as much of my time as I can with my son, and my new family. 

When suffering from Depression, it's important to keep yourself going.  Be active.  Be busy.  Don't dwell in those dark places.  Try to stay positive.  The more you talk about your illness, the more you will mock it, and those shadows will become brighter.  Eventually you'll be living in your own light.  Without the darkness and sorrow that this particular form of mental illness brings with it. 
If need be, speak to your doctor.  Believe me when I say this - Most doctors know a LOT more about mental illnesses than you do.  And, if they don't, they'll be more than happy to refer you to someone who does.  There is always more than ONE way out of a room.  Keep that in mind.

Keep smiling!!

Narcissism At It's Worst

So, it seems my Narcissism has gotten the best of me, for the first time, in a VERY long time.   I made an error that nearly cost me everything in my life.  Now it seems the next few days, weeks, or even months will be spent trying to rectify said error.

I've learned a great deal from this. My actions don't always affect only me, but also to the lives of those nearest and dearest to me. 

The last 18 hours have been like a living Hell for me.  But, I'm trying my damnedest to tough through it.  To make things right.  To the way things were even just 24 hours ago. 

This is an aspect of my life that I have kept from you (my dear readers).  Yes, I'm very narcissistic.  But then again, that may simply be a part of my Depression?  I'm not sure. 
Learning from mistakes are an aspect of every one's life.  However, committing the same mistakes over and over is one of the detriments of society. This is probably going to be the biggest challenge of my life.  That includes my past with my even more narcissistic ex-girlfriend, and her actions that did in fact ruin my life.  Or, at least altered completely the course I can take in life.  There is nothing I wouldn't do to turn back the clock those few hours, and completely rethink my actions. 

Needless to say:  I fucked up.  But, I'm still remaining as strong as I can be.  I'm trying to mend the things I've broken (which I capitulate will take some time). 

The trouble with narcissism is:  TECHNICALLY, I did nothing wrong.  No one was hurt.  No actual action was made.  But, apparently, the world doesn't actually revolve around me.  That's the part I don't get:  Nothing ACTUALLY happened.  No one got hurt.  So why the fallout? 
I'm not an idiot:  Im' taking responsibility for my actions, and trying to fix the rifts I've created.  But why?  Because I'm in love.  The things you do for the people you love, 'eh?

The bottom line is:  I'm a narcissist.  Apparently that's a problem for some people.  However, I'm trying to fix that.  It's not that I'm selfish.  I'll admit that at times I can be.  But, I'm not often selfish.  Or, at least I try not to be.  Yes, I do know the difference between right and wrong.  Sometimes, I tend to ignore said limits.  To 'live on the edge', so to speak.  Make sense?  It does to me.

Keep smiling!