As it turns out, I suppose my doctor didn't like the answers I was giving him to specific questions, and as a result, placed me on LTD (Long Term Disability). That means NO work for me, for the foreseeable future.
That's no so bad, as there are a lot of things I can do around the house (as we recently moved).
However, once done doing what needs to be done around the house, I'm at a loss for things to do.
Emotionally, I'm fine. However, the thought of going to work scares the shit out of me. Which is odd. I like my job, a well trained monkey could do my job. I like the people that I work with, and all-around enjoy my job. However, the simple thought of going there creates HUGE anxiety, and I don't want to go. I don't know why. So much so, that last Tuesday, I even turned around, and came home, after getting about half-way to work. On Wednesday, I managed to get to work, but left after just two hours.
I can't explain it. Neither can my doctor, which is probably why he referred mt to a therapist. I got in pretty quickly too: Tomorrow. Maybe that means he's really concerned?
So, a run-down of my last few weeks:
- A few weeks ago, I started to feel a bit down. So much so, that my girlfriend and kids noticed.
- I still went to work, but wasn't entirely feeling like my mind wasn't in the game, if you know what I mean?
- Last Monday, I called off work, because I just couldn't go.
- The next day, Tuesday, I made it half-way to work, then turned around, and came home.
- The following day, Wednesday, I made it to work. The moment I got there, I knew I shouldn't be there. So, I left after about two hours and twenty minutes into my shift.
- The next morning, I called my doctor, and was seen by him that afternoon. He then doubled the dose of Cipralex (now 20mg a day), that I'm taking. He also wrote a note for my work, excusing me from work for that whole week.
I guess now it's just a waiting game. I'll be sure to keep you all posted.
Keep smiling!
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