As requested by my doctor, I went for a 'follow-up' appointment today, with regards to the increase in my medication, and how I'm feeling over all. Turns out I'm worse. My doctor wants me off work for at least another month.
I spoke with the nurse at my work, and it doesn't seems as though they want me off. They want me back to work, and/or a detailed outline from my doctor saying what steps he's taking to have me in shape for work again. To be honest, I don't know if that day will be anytime in the near future.
So now I'm getting pressure from work, despite the fact I'm doing my best to try to feel better, and my doctor is doing everything he can to get me the help I need. I want to be able to work. To feel useful. To contribute to my family. I just cannot do that right now. I don't know why. I don't really care why. I just want to get better!
While I was at my doctor's this morning, I filled out another 'Anxiety questionnaire' thing, and I scored off the charts. A much higher score than last time. Which means I'm much worse off than the last time I filled out that questionnaire.
To be honest with you folks, when I'm home with my family, I feel fine. Almost NORMAL. The thought of going to work, or not being around my loved ones, almost brings me to tears.
Again, panic attacks are new to me. I still don't know how to handle them. I suppose I should have pulled over, but I was going to be late for my appointment. Plus, the nurse at work was on my back to get information from my doctor to her. Fuck! Doesn't she understand I don't want to go there? The whole reason I'm not there is because I physically CAN'T go. I don't know why. Do you?
Keep smiling!
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