Good Changes.... For A Change

The last week or so has been extremely hectic for my new family, and myself.  We moved.  No longer does it feel as though I'm living in THEIR house, but now we are all living in OUR house. 
Sure, rent is a little more costly, and this new house certainly needs some long

overdue TLC, but it's OUR house, and we all love it. 

The move officially took place on two full days ago.  And, for the most part, went off without a hitch.  Our friends and families bonded together, to help us with the big change.  It was a wonderful, and quite cathartic, all at the same time.  If you know what I mean....? 

The kids are back to school tomorrow, I'm also back to work, after a much needed three-day weekend. 

For all of us, it's like a new start.  The kids are both starting newer, and more challenging classes.  My wife/girlfriend is always embarking on something new and challenging with her job, and I have recently started a new, and more exciting part of my career.  Needless to say, we're all excited about these new changes in our lives. 

During our move, while out purchasing some paint for our new home, I learned the power of love, and patience.  Let me explain;  Of all the places in the world, my ex-girlfriend (the one who single-Handedly all but ruined my life), was in the same hardware store as us.  When I saw her, I reacted the same way as I always have.  I turned, and walked away.  But this time, I didn't leave the building, as I always did when she repeatedly showed up at the bar I frequent, yet she claimed to hate.  What I was unaware of however, was that my body language changed as well.  This was pointed out to me AFTER we had all left the hardware store, by not just my wonderful wife/girlfriend, but also BOTH stepchildren. 
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Needless to say, I could at that moment, and from then on, feel the love from all three members of my new family.  I know now they all have their own way of showing it. 
The bottom line is:  I now know what being TRULY loved feels like. 

Keep smiling!

Changes......

So, the last week or so has been quite hectic and busy for me.  A relationship between two dear friends seems to have fizzled out.  That came as quite of a shock to me, but then again, in hindsight, it kind of makes sense.  But really, hat can you say?  All things happen for a reason. 

As for me, and my outstandingly patient girlfriend, things are always looking up.

Like is always getting better for me.  I'm just TWO weeks away from landing a full-time job, that I've been working at for the last three or so months.  That makes me quite excited.  Once I have the stability there, looking forward will be much easier, and much brighter for myself, and my family.

Even while suffering from Depression, one would think that stability is a good thing.  More often than not, I find it is.  However, the odd little change-up[ is sometimes required.  But, to be honest, I can easily see myself working this job for the next fifteen to twenty years.  Yes, I enjoy it that much!

My job basically keeps me busy.  Keeps me out of the house for forty-plus hours a week.  Which, believe me, is fantastic!  The last thing I would want to do is sit around the house, just thinking.  I've done that before, and it's OK for the first few days.  But after that, I tend to get Cabin Fever.  Even though I'm a self proclaimed 'hermit', I still like to get out from time to time. 

So, that's my advice for the day:  Try to get out of the house.  Interact the the 3D world.  Meet new people.  Have fun.  Play!



Keep smiling!!

HOPE

So it's been a few days since I last posted here.  I've been happily busy with work, and a much better home life. 
I keep having Good Day after Good Day at work, and at home.

I can honestly tell you that I don't miss those dark days that used to be my life.  Waking up everyday not knowing what the day will be like.  But, deep inside already knowing it'll be a Bad Day.

Using the very dim light I occasionally found on those dark days, I did plenty of research.  Trying to find ways (without the use of mind altering chemicals), to battle my demons, and win.... Or at least survive to fight them another day.

After a few months of trying everyday to battle my demons, and barely winning, my now ex-girlfriend did the absolute worst thing she could ever do to someone suffering from Depression.  
Needless to say, I went right off the deep end, and there were many days I was closer than I ever thought I would be to ending it all.  I kept my pain quite well hidden from everyone close to me.  However, I did make an appointment with my Family Doctor for a 'Mental Health Check-up'.  Within minutes of seeing me, me not being able to speak a full sentence, and with tears running down my cheeks, my Doctor wrote me a life saving prescription.  

About two and a half weeks later, it was like I became a new man.  Or rather, I was back to being my old, cheerful self. 

It's been about a year and a half since my life turned upside down.  I'm now in an exceptionally happy place.  I like with three people whom I love very much.  I see my son as often as I wish, and have a job I thoroughly enjoy. 

On a side note:  There is a reader who is anonymously commenting on this blog.  Please contact me through my email, and we can talk there.  skelly1178@live.ca
Keep smiling!

"Never underestimate the pain of a person. Because in all honesty, everyone hurts. Some people just hide it better than others."                  ~ unknown

#SickNotWeak

Firstly, I'd like to apologize....  I haven't written here in a while.  The reason for that is sinple:  I've been way too busy.  That's not just a lame-duck excuse.  It's a fact.  Then again, being busy is always a good thing!  It's the down-time in life that makes it a bit harder to get out of bed in the morning.  But, we're well passed that now. 

I remember the days when all I wanted to do was sleep.  I would stay in bed, or laying down on the sofa most of the day.  The thing is, for the first few weeks, I thought nothing of it.  Then I started thinking about my ex-wife, who also suffers from Depression, and I was going through a lot of things she went through.  Needless to say, it didn't take long for me to figure out what was happening to me;  than I was getting sick, and needed to see my doctor.

That's a story I've told many times, and will likely tell again.  But not today.  Today is about being happy.  About being busy.  About keeping the demons away. 

As I've said before, one of the keys to keeping those demons away, is to keep busy.  Physical labour, or going to the gym regularly (daily), certainly helps. 
That's simply what I've tried to do with myself.  After being kicked, tortured, and basically shit upon by my Slefish and cowardly ex-girlfriend, I realised I needed to change the people I have in my life.  So, I've found myself with the perfect woman as my girlfriend.  She has wonderful children whom I love very much (and I think they kind of dig me too), not to mention my wonderful and always smiling little boy. 

I've also gone and landed myself a great job.  True, it's about a 40 minute drive from home, but well worth it.  It's a very physically demanding job, and keeps me busy.  I hurt after work most nights (which is a feeling I love).  You know burn you feel after a good workout?  That one.
Not to mention, I have a group of the most amazing, and most supportive friends anyone could ask for.

Those are some of the keys to keeping your head as straight as you can.  Depression/Anxiety won't just go away.  You need to be proactive.  Talk about it with your friends and family, and doctor.  Be active.  Keep yourself occupied.  Keep your mind away from the dark places.  It's not easy.  I failed many times in my attempts to move out of the shadows.  But, with the right amount of time, medication, and hard work, I'm at a place in my life, where Depression is in the past.  It no longer defines me.  I'm having GOOD days every day. 

You must treat Depression for what it really is:  An illness.  It's a mental illness that should be treated no differently than the common flu, Cancer, or any other commonly occurring illnesses out there.  It just happens.  We're not really sure why.  It's not a sign of weakness.  It's a sign that you're like most other people in the world.  A slight chemical imbalance in your brain.  Nothing more, nothing less. 

Keep smiling!

Still Going Up

In my last post, I said that I just KNEW another dark day was going to find me....  But, today wasn't that day!  I woke up from a GREAT sleep, and had a FANTASTIC day at work.  On top of all that, my parents are finally home from their two month vacation to the semi-warm south.


My wonderful girlfriend is seemingly getting more fantastic, and just plain 'fucking awesome' everyday.  She keeps going above and beyond the role of a simple girlfriend.  I'm pretty sure she's a keeper.  Or, maybe it's just because my previous girlfriend was such a terror?

Nevertheless, my life has been doing nothing but going uphill lately.  A HUGE reason for that is the positive energy that's always flowing around me.  Be it the guys at work, or my girlfriend and her kids, or, talking to, and seeing my son on a regular basis.

I really can't remember what a 'bad day' feels like.  I hope I never have to deal with those demons again, but like rain, it'll inevitably happen.

However, right now, I'm just focusing on the present.  The positive things going on in my life.  I'm still waking up nearly every morning, with a quick shot of fear, briefly wondering what sort of day I'm going to have.  In nearly a nanosecond, I know the answer.  For the last, I don't know how long, it's been a GOOD DAY.

Despite still having to deal with the actions of my past girlfriend daily, (which

isn't always as easy as I make it seem), I get by.  I try not to dwell on the darkness she willingly cast on my life.  But, that being said, I have always had one very bright shining star in that darkness, and now I have three more. 
So yes, life is looking pretty F'ing good right now. I have a good job, a wonderful and loving family (new and old) , and the dark days are becoming few and far between. 


Keep smiling!!